S to the Occer
by Leriku
Summary: Acolytes and X-Men... fun times.


St. John looked at himself in the mirror, the fabric clung to his body. He then set about fixing his gym bag. It was go time!! He swished his hair from side to side, lovingly making sure that his fiery mane stayed in place. This was the first time he had worn a pony-tail in years. "You guuuuuuys!!" He whined "I'm ready to go." he then skipped merrily toward the door.  
  
Magento looked up from the morning paper. He signed, took a sip of orange juice, and then put a spoon full of soup in his mouth. "St. John...it's seven in the morning. Soccer practice isn't for another..." Magneto paused to calculate the time... "...nine hours..."  
  
St. John turned on his heal and faced the master of magnetism. "I hate you!" He screamed, and then fell down in a sobbing heap. Magneto shrugged and took a big swig of orange juice.  
  
^^^^^Eight Thirty A.M.^^^^  
  
A great commotion came from above. Several pairs of different sized feet came rumbling down the stairs, causing them to creak and be pushed to their limits of capacity. One stair, the middle one, broke. A scream was shot out from the depths of the area underneath the stairs. Sabertooth emerged, rather dusty, from the door to the closet underneath the stairs. He had a strange idea that he had become Harry Potter so he withdrew a stick he had found in the yard and proceeded to poke St. John with it, muttering made-up words. "Alohamora!" He squealed then ran off with the others. The others being Remy, Pietro, and Piotr.  
  
They all plopped down in front of the tv. This caused the floor to tremble, threatening to give out to the immense change in weight. Remy squinted at Piotr. "Remy does believe that the floor would stop doing that if you were not shiny, amie."  
  
Piotr snapped to attention. "Oh." He got rid of the shiny armor and became many pounds lighter. The floor sighed. Sabertooth became afraid because the floor had gained the ability to sigh. But he soon forgot that because Remy switched on the TV.  
  
"I want to be the very best. That no one ever was." Several screams ensued.  
  
"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" Sighs ensued. Including the sigh from the floor.  
  
"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles." Pietro sang. Everyone stared at him. "What? That's all I know!" He defended himself.  
  
^^^^^^Noon, P.M.^^^^^^  
  
Soon after the acolytes finished their breakfast, and all had their showers they emerged from their fortified fortress... Which was in Magneto's basement. "I think dat we should go see our friends..." Remy said. Pitor and Pietro nodded in agreement. "Hold on..." Pietro said, as he went back into the garage to fetch his wagon. Soon Remy and Pitor were situated in the Pietro's wagon, and they were off.  
  
"Well the good thing about havin to be covered all the time is that I never get mosquito bites..." Rogue said as she, Kurt, Kitty and Jean, not to mention Scott (who wasn't mentioned because he wasn't there) were seated on the roof. Logan was wandering around on the ground, shouting various threats and cuss words, and growling to himself. It seemed that before professor Xavier gone off to his day spa, he had left Wolverine in charge of getting his students off of the roof.  
  
As soon as their friends appeared in the wagon in the front yard, Kurt wrapped his tail around his foster sister, and then took the hand of his pretty brown haired friend, and then ported to the ground. Jean looked around, and then realized that no one else was on the roof with her. "FINE JUST LEAVE ME TO DIE!" she screamed, and then threw herself off the roof.  
  
"Let's...like go to the arcade guys." Kitty said. Piotr nodded in agreement, and she smiled.  
  
"But how vill ve get there? You don't have enough room in de vagon..." Kurt asked looking around, hopeful that they wouldn't make him port them there, he was so tired. He just wanted to go to the arcade and play video games. He was worried that he had been over exerting himself. His lovely blue fur lacked luster, his beautiful yellow eyes had lost their mischievous sparkle. He wasn't getting enough fiber it seemed.  
  
"Yeah...how are we gonna get there?" Pietro wondered out loud. He too was tired. He didn't like having to pull every one around in his wagon all the time. Pitor, in an attempt to impress Kitty had changed into his armor form once again, this time, while Pietro was pulling the wagon. This upset him. Pitor didn't even ask. What angered him more was the fact that they never returned the favor. Just once he would like to be pulled around in a wagon at super high speeds. Pietro signed. He would need to take a nap when he got home. He was getting cranky.  
  
Just then Jean tumbled to the ground in a heap. Logan sighed, and went off to go get his watch, and cell phone. He didn't want to be late on his date with Ororo just because he was helping Jean. "Cherie...just tap some of de skank-hos energy, and we can all fly there..." Rogue nodded. She liked taking Jean's powers, not just because it hurt Jean, but because she could then make people fly around. Rogue removed her glove and slapped Jean's face. She left her hand on Jean's face for three minutes. Jean was turning very pale, and had started gasping for air when Logan returned. "ROGUE! Cut that out!" Rogue removed her hand, and then she and her friends took to the sky.  
  
Soon they landed at the arcade.  
  
They ran into it, laughing merrily. Very merrily. Even though it wasn't Christmas. As they broke the glass to the door of the arcade, and only then, did they notice the sign. "Closed." Said the sign, in a malicious voice. This scared Sabertooth very much. It seemed that things that weren't supposed to talk were, as of lately, talking. He broke down in sobs.  
  
"Well, what now?" Asked Pietro. He hoped that they would decide to just sit on the curb. He didn't like flying.  
  
Kurt put a finger to his chin. He looked across the street. "Ice cream, ja?" The others nodded in agreement, and they started to head to the local Dairy Queen. (Dairy Queen is a registered trademark of the Dairy Queen company. No one likes a person who steals a name... do they.. MYSTIQUE?)  
  
They didn't make it. A maroon grande-sized mini-van appeared out of nowhere, nearly running them over. The window rolled down to reveal the MASTER OF MAGNETISM! He glared angrily at them. His eyes blazed with fire.  
  
"Do you need eye drops, Daddy?" Pietro asked with sweetness. He dug into his purse and produced the aforementioned item.  
  
"Yes, thank you." Magneto took the drops and used them. The fire disappeared. "You are going to be late for soccer practice!" He pointed to the back seat where St. John sat grumpily. He huffed and puffed and just sat there... huffing and puffing.  
  
"SHOTGUN!" Yelled Pietro in a voice that dared a challenge. None came. No one really wanted to sit next to Magneto when he was grumpy. Or when he was bashful. When he was bashful he tended to wink and tell stories about Bobby Drake. They piled into the car. Pietro sat up front. In the middle seat sat Rogue and Remy. Kitty and Piotr squeezed into the back seat, keeping a fair distance from St. John. Kurt, realizing there were no more empty seats, forced Remy to scoot over more towards Rogue, making space for the teleporter. Remy smiled drunkenly at Rogue, which he seems to do quite often.  
  
Sabertooth lumbered off, in search of his motorcycle. He smelled quite bad and did not want to plague the others with his stench. He smelled of kitty litter and pickles.  
  
Magneto hit the gas. Pietro reached speedily for the radio. The shrieking shrill voice of the oozing fat folds of Hilary Duff's mouth came on the radio. "Why not?" "Radio Disney!? Pietro, you dumbass, change the channel! You want me to crash?!" Pietro grumbled something unintelligible and changed the radio station. "And all the girlies He's pretty fly for a white guy!"  
  
At that moment Evan chose to drive by. But he wasn't driving, he was in the passenger's side, bobbing his head to some strange tune. It might have been Eminem, but no one really cares. Seconds later a bone spike from a red- headed girl flew through the window and impaled "Spyke" in the chest. Marrow laughed maliciously. No one cared that Spyke was dead. Not even the unidentifiable person that was driving the car he was in.  
  
After all you've put me through, you'd think I'd despise you. But in the end, I want to thank you, because you made me that much stronger.  
  
Several shouts of glee came from the maroon grande-sized mini van. Magneto grunted and made a fist. Pietro again changed the channel.  
  
The world is a vampire.  
  
"That's better, Pietro. Leave it here."  
  
And through the car, dancing ensued. Piotr sat in the back, twitching his shoulders, in tune. Up went the right shoulder, then down. Up went the left shoulder, then down. Up went the right shoulder, then down. "Nyet. I cannot dance."  
  
"I know." Said Kitty, simply.  
  
"You want to dance Cherie?" Remy asked, as he started wiggling his ass around in the seat.  
  
"Uh...no that's all right..." Rogue said, scooting closer to her brother.  
  
At that moment Remy made up his mind. Before this evening was over he would make lovely Rogue dance with him. To try to convince her that it was fun to dance, he made a failed attempt to grind on her. This attempt failed...simply because the seatbelt got in the way. Remy couldn't move closer to Rogue, for the seat belt was restraining him, he just ended up chaffing himself. "Y'all stop that now Remy." Rogue said. Then Kurt ported so that he was seated in the middle. Noticing that Kurt was seated next to him, Remy stopped his dancing. Magneto looked back at the them using the rear-view mirror, he made a mental note to give Kurt an oreo for stopping Remy from getting raped by the seatbelt. Yes. That would do nicely.  
  
It was at this time that Pietro noticed that it was raining. Hard...so hard that there was also a bit of hail falling from the sky. "Daddy..." Pietro started...Magneto it seemed, wasn't listening. "Daddy...I don't think that we have soccer practice today..." He muttered.  
  
Magneto continued to ignore his only speedy son.  
  
"Oh my God! I must be impregnable!" screamed Remy. Kurt proceeded to poke him in the back of the head. Magneto proceeded to shake his head. "My name is NOT Magnus." He said with much anger. He threw grapes out the car, which hit professor X. Since they were red grapes Xavier believed he had been shot. He started to cry. "Its not fair! I was just going to pick up some spandex for the children! Why now?!"  
  
Everyone in the car giggled, except for the X-men. They shook their heads with their necks.  
  
It was time now. Time for soccer practice. Finally. St. John readjusted his ponytail, he looked to his left, out the window, and then to his right, at Piotr. The large and sweaty Russian would make a fool out of him on the soccer field for the last time. St. John had a plan. A delightful plan that involved the contents of his gym bag, as well as many a food snack that St. John had been hiding under the couch.  
  
Piotr and Kitty has started their own little game of footsie. It was a painful game for Colossus because Kitty was wearing her soccer cleats, and he was wearing sandals. It seemed that Piotr was fighting an uphill battle, for every time he tried to kick Kitty's foot she phased though him. He was about to say something when he remembered that he left his cherry gatorade at home in the fridge. Life was hard, especially when you are sitting in the back seat of a grande-sized mini van. Stuck with no cherry gatorade.  
  
They all tumbled out of the grande-sized mini van. Mostly because Magneto refused to stop. He just kept driving. They looked out at the empty field and breathed in deeply. Then the rain/hail picked up again. They were pelted with hail the size of very large gumballs. Piotr decided if might be a good idea if he went into metal-mode. But that didn't help much, he just got dings. "WE MUST BUY THE DING KING!" Yelled Kurt, finger in the air.  
  
Then Storm, their soccer coach, walked towards them. Her hair flying in every direction, white eyes ablaze. "I don't know why you've chosen to attack me, and to tell you the truth, I don't much care. This is my home, and you're not welcome!"  
  
"You live on a soccer field?" Remy asked. "Ripper!" Yelled St. John.  
  
"Nyet. I do not get it. I do not get it. Nyet. When have we attacked you? Nyet. I do not get it." Colossus held his head in confusion. Much longer and his head would have exploded. Kitty patted him on the arm.  
  
Then Storm turned into Mystique, for the soul purpose of, being there. "It would seem you don't have soccer practice today. Magnus is a fool for dropping you off without talking to the coach, first." She laughed cruelly.  
  
"Why does everyone insist on calling my dad Magnus?" Pietro wailed. "Its Eric. Eric Lensher." He rolled the R in Lensher. "That's the way the cookie crumbles." She said, and everyone enjoyed a hearty laugh, for Rogue was eating an oatmeal cookie. This made Mystique correct. "Well children, I am here to take you home." She counted the mutants. "Seven. Hm. I have room for five of you. To decide who will have the honor of sitting in my car you must FIGHT TO THE DEATH!"  
  
They just stood there, blinking their eyes. They made that blinking-the- eyes noise that one often hears in Sailor Moon. St. John took himself out. Mostly, by hitting himself on the head. Then St. John farted. "We'll just shove him in the trunk." Mystique said thoughtfully. Then an idea popped in her head. "It has been raining. The ground is muddy. If you fight, you will get muddy. I don't want my car to get muddy." She snarled. Everyone became afraid. "Kurt! You are to walk home!" This made sense, mostly because Mystique didn't want Kurt in the first place. He was a mistake. A fact that she pointed out to the boy quite often. A fact that made him cry into his pillow in the late hours of the night.  
  
Kurt drug his feet along the ground, singing softly to himself. "I'm leaving on a jet plane... don't know when I'll be back again..."  
  
The others walked towards Mystique's car. Mystique drove a purple car. The kind of car that looks very similar to other cars, so there is no use identifying it. The kind of mid-sized car with three front seats. The hastily shoved St. John in the trunk, where he proceeded to drool. "SHOTGUN!" Yelled Pietro, yet again. He climbed into the seat. Piotr sat next to him, mostly because it was very cramped in the back. Its very hard being so tall. Kitty, Rogue, and Remy shimmied into the back seat. Rogue made Kitty sit in the middle because she was afraid of Remy trying to grind her again, and she had no trouble putting her friends in the way of danger. Remy's eyes darted around, trying to think of a way he could get Kitty to phase, so he could pass through her and get close to Rogue.  
  
"Do you guys want McDonalds?" Mystique asked, as she pulled up to the drive though. Rogue nodded. Pietro proceeded to vibrate. McDonalds had this effect on him. "I want chicken tenders?" Pietro asked quizzically. Pitor then kissed him. In the ear. It was a lovely feeling. This made Pietro buzz around the front seat excitedly. "BZZUZUZHZHZZZZZZZZZUUUHHZZZZZZ." Said Pietro. Mystique then ordered french fires for everyone except Kitty, because french fries are kosher. ... Or aren't kosher, I forget how that works.  
  
"SCREW YOU LAURENCE!!" Screamed Samuel L. Jackson, because he was working drive through. He then got everyone their happy meals. Mystique was selfish and ate all of Piotr's french fries. This made Piotr sad, but he didn't cry. Real men don't cry. Except Professor Xavier...although...he isn't a real man. He just wants people to think that. See that bulge in his pants? Those are a pair of socks.  
  
"Mm... pickles." sang Rogue. Remy wiggled his eyebrows. "What day is it today?" Asked Kitty suddenly.  
  
"It is now... June 25." Said Piotr. Kitty ignored him. She was mad that he kissed Pietro in the ear. This made her feel un-loved. Although she was already in her pajamas.  
  
Pietro screamed in agonizing boredom and dropped into the puddle of catsup he had been forming on the table. Actually, it was on the seat because you can't have a table in the car.  
  
And all was righted in the world, mainly due to the invention of chocolate toothpaste. Ah Wanda, the wonderful things you can do in your free time! We all thank you.  
  
The End. 


End file.
